The Scarlet Letter and Christmas

When I was in school I had to read the book, The Scarlet Letter. At the time it was a rather controversial read, and many of you know what the "big red A" stood for. From recent experience it seems the meaning has shifted - especially at Christmas time.

While visiting in Chicago a few weeks ago I had the privilege of spending an evening at Christkindlemarket with our daughter Krista and family. This (cold) outdoor event has many creative stalls from all over the country and the world with ornaments, cuckoo clocks, toys and unique foods for sale at the holiday time. The only two disconcerting moments were when Hannah, our two year old granddaughter, lost a mitten  (Whew! We found it again!) and when we arrived at the nativity scene. Don't get me wrong, the nativity scene was great. But, it was surrounded by a huge Menorah; a sign honoring the Bill of Rights, represented by images of the Statue of Liberty, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson, assuring Americans that the true meaning of Christmas is the "Freedom FROM Religion;"  and a huge, red letter "A," standing for atheism. It seems the atheists found it important to proclaim their own version of what Christmas means - or does not mean - as the case may be.

The Christkindlemarket got me wondering why an atheist would try to convince someone of the lack of meaning and purpose to life. It's hard to imagine taking my two little grandchildren to the big red "A" and answering their question, "What do you think happens after we die?" with the words of Deborah Mitchell, the author of Growing up Godless: A Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Without Religion. " I don't know, but this is what I think: we die, we go into the ground and we become fertilizer. You know, that's it."

It's bad enough to spoil the idea of Santa Claus, but to advocate the "hope" that you will become fertilizer or another Scott lawn care product?!? As blogger Jazz Shaw says, "Even if you are rock solid in your belief that this is all there is and life is a pointless terminal ride to the empty darkness of the grave, how do you say that to a small child surrounded by other kids whose faces are glowing with excitement and anticipation?" I prefer to think the excited glow of a child's face is yet one more proof that there is hope that goes beyond the pain of this world.

I am so glad that the big "A" stands for nothing. Literally, if you believe in no eternal being, no real purpose on earth, why even go to Christkindlemarket? Why waste your money to put up a big letter to represent that life has no meaning and we all end up as fertilizer?

Thankfully, the photo I took that cold evening shows that there is a reality behind the "Big Red A." (If you look hard enough, you not only see Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus, but also Chris, Krista, Jonathan and Hannah!) Whether atheists want to admit it or not, the manger scene is right there. It's not just something made up to believe or not believe. It represents God loving His creation so much that He sent His only son as a baby to become a man who would carry our sins, die on the cross, rise again and give us hope not only on this earth, but also beyond the grave. It's not a kid's story we grow out of. The cross is ever present, even if invisible at the manger scene. Christmas has no meaning without the cross. Without the letter "a," perhaps it would be spelled "Christms," but the meaning would never change.

The Yuiguirro

This is a poem I wrote a few months ago... still in the process of writing, but thought I'd share it...
(The yiguirro is Costa Rica's national bird. It sings for only about 3 months of the year. When it sings, it sings its heart out from before dawn until evening.)

There are times I am too tired to even desire
   nothing left inside to be refreshed.
Can fatigue annihilate that which used to be
   that resilience which has so often saved me from collapse?

I awake and hear the yiguirro and look at the clock.
   3:30AM.
I try hard to offer understanding to this
  plain-looking, time-impaired bird
  with a lovely, yet loud, monotonous song.

Sadly, the yiguirro no longer nests in my mind as the national bird
  but as an alarm sounding relentless, exhausting pain.
"Not even sleep will give you a break,"
   he chirps cheerfully.

Delayed or Different Answers to Prayer

"Delayed [or different than hoped for] answers to prayer are not only trials of faith, but they give us opportunities of honoring God by our steadfast confidence in Him under apparent repulses." - Spurgeon

Long Time, No Post - Foolish Things - Even Now

I will be brief for now... I haven't been able to figure out some blogspot changes that had me scratching my head as to how to post! But, I've got it figured out now and hope to begin posting some of the things I'm going through and the thoughts that provokes... just in case anyone is interested!

Here's lyrics my team mate Jimmy sent... spoke to me this morning.

Trouble came
Broke your door
Crushed your name
Robbed you poor

You feel He’s gone
Or fast asleep
All’s gone wrong
You’re in too deep

He hasn’t left you out to dry
Even Now
You haven’t left
His watching eye
Even Now
So children sing it when you don’t see how
My Father’s worthy of my hope
Even now

The feeling’s gone
You’re wondering
If you heard Him wrong
If he’s listening

The same old fear
The same old haze
Is God not here?
Is His hand raised?

Could this be part of any good plan?
Seems to be you’ve fallen out of His hand

When you’re broken, don’t know how to mend
Even Now
When your tunnel’s still dark at the end
Even Now
His children don’t know why but trust their Father’s at their side
So hold His hand -hold up your hope
EVEN NOW

Going to Chair

We both have had significant ministry breakthroughs - and a few struggles - throughout the week (Woody more than I, as I continue in convalescence). Any one of them could make a knee mail that would challenge your thinking and, hopefully, send you to your knees in prayer. In spite of some obvious challenges, we do rejoice that God is at work in Latin America and beyond. (ITeams Costa Rica now has 60 missionaries in Latin America and 12 in other parts of the world.)

Allow me to share from my heart some thoughts in the night as I spend most of those now sleeping in the recliner.

My acid reflux is very bad despite strict diet and medications, so I cannot lie down at night. Even sitting, I have reflux and have to take antacid liquid before I go to sleep and again in the middle of the night. Amazing how the acid can defy gravity! That is only one of many discomforts I am struggling through - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It seems I'm in an ongoing battle raging on all sides, night and day.

So, as I "went to chair" last night (since, technically, I do not "go to bed"), I had to swallow hard once again, and make a conscious choice that I would count on Him to be my All in All. I pulled out my dog-eared copy of Rose from Brier by Amy Carmichael and read that acceptance does not equal acquiescence in illness.

As far as we know, neither Job nor Paul ever knew why their prayers for relief were answered as they were. Yet, down through the centuries, their examples have strengthened the will of many who have chosen to trust in the midst of adversity. Carmichael wrote, "Hardly a life that goes deep but has tragedy somewhere within it."

I then turned to a book I've been reading and talking over by phone with my parents: A Path Through Suffering by Elizabeth Elliot. It caused me to think on the phrase "My grace is sufficient." Sufficient means just enough. Not a crumb left over, but enough.

Sometimes I feel like His grace doesn't quite reach because there are no crumbs left over from one hour, one minute, maybe even one second to the next. But, it is sufficient. If I need wisdom, he will give sufficient wisdom. If I need strength, it will be there in exact proportion to the difficulties of the day. If I need guidance, the Shepherd will show me the next step to take. If I need comfort, the Comforter will give me just enough.

God tied these two book themes together, as only He can do. Elizabeth Elliot wrote, "God said no to Paul's pleas because he was to bring forth, for the sake of the rest of us, the beautiful flower of acceptance, a gift of grace, enough for his need... Could he know of the millions who would be cheered and comforted by his example of quiet acceptance of a painful thing which he knew God could have removed?" It was not his business to know. His business was to accept the answer given - "grace, in the measure needed."

I fell asleep thinking on grace sufficient for each of the times I would wake in the night and for the discomforts to be faced in the new day - trusting that maybe someone else, somewhere might take courage because, sitting up in my recliner late Friday night, I chose to rely on Him as my All in All, even when questions remain.

No Need to Withdraw from Battle

Here's another great quote from AJ Gossip:

"There is no need, says Christ, to withdraw out of the battle. For in the very thick and heart and press of it, with life flinging against you all it can, troubled, tried, tempted, you can have peace in your soul and valour in your spirit, and if you know Me, and have seen the God of whom I tell, and live in sight of Him, these things are certain to be yours. And indeed, bold though it be, is not Christ's attitude toward life the only reasonable one?"

Thoughts on Pain and Suffering

I'm still going through it. Those are my thoughts!

Here are some deeper thoughts from Don Simpson.

"Pain has an uncanny way of telling us who we are, of holding up a mirror to show us our deepest fears, our doubts, our failures of will - even our atheism. But it also shows us our courage, love, endurance, and trust in God."

You Call THIS Adventure?

The past 5 1/2 months of my life could be looked at in many ways. But, to call it ADVENTURE? That sounds crazy!

However, as God often does, He spoke to me through two completely different sources within 24 hours to change my perspective. First, from my recent literary hero, AJ Gossip, I read his sermon entitled, "The Romance of Religion." He tells of how the world calls us to live like a "lumpish and bucolic creature in some sleepy hollow where nothing ever happens, and the people seem half dead, torpid as flies in winter, and one just exists." If you could tear out a page of this person's journal, it would include getting up, eating breakfast, passing time at work, and getting home to eat and watch TV and go to bed.

That's not the life I'm called to! Even when half the time I've been in bed and felt as bad as a frog caught in the blazing sun. As I have struggled through one day after another, I've not just been pottering about with aimless nothings. I've been wrestling with spiritual powers. We're not called to an empty life on earth, but to an active role in the unseen world.

In my study on the life of John today I read, "We trade in the pitifully small and potentially disastrous for the wildest ride mortal creatures can even know." (Beth Moore)

AJ Gossip puts it this way: "I have been racing desperately for the prize of my own soul, and I have won, though I am left breathless and tired and panting hard. I have been in the ring, fighting my lower nature. And once or twice it got me down, and mauled me badly; but I, too, have been battering it black and blue, and have scored heavily against it. Mine has been an exciting day."

I so far have walked a block and a half (the furthest in weeks!) this morning and had my prayer time and time in God's Word. It's been an exciting day already, and as I eat breakfast, share thoughts with Woody, sing a hymn with him, and go lie down to rest, I now know that today will be another exciting day.

Stand Staring Dumb

"It is those who have made some progress in the art of living life and in knowledge of God who stand staring dumb with wonder at the splendour of Christ. It is indeed an ill sign that we can take Him so lightly, you and I." AJ Gossip

Though I simply don't feel well today... weak, in pain, and just not WELL, I trust I don't have the ILL sign of taking Him lightly today.

I'm not taking Him lightly.

Clinging,

Su

Shackleton and Susan

I definitely don't fit into the same category as Shackleton, but today I was reminded of his group's slow, struggle, trying to cross Antarctica, "chilled to the very soul, with heads bowed low against the icy blizzards, with weak and stumbling feet, and half dead with fatigue." - A.J. Gossip

Though they never reached their goal, I loved being reminded of how the group said "Some One else was there more than they could see." As I continue to take one step forward, and two back or vice versa right now, I know that I, too, have "Some ONE else there more than I can see." Thank God for that!!

Eeyore and Me

When I was a small girl (and even not so small), I was very fond of a stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh. We were pretty inseparable. I even carried Pooh over my shoulder everywhere I went at Trout Lake Camp in northern Minnesota for a couple of summer camps.

Pooh is just impossible not to love.

On the other hand, Eeyore is a tough one to love. He is always in a bad mood. His favorite expression is "Oh, bother!"

Recently, I was given a stuffed Eeyore, and the two of us have become inseparable. Perhaps I have reverted to my childhood. Perhaps I have begun to identify with poor Eeyore more. There's a great story about him in The World of Pooh which reflects my recent muddled thinking and my confusing answers to the question, "How are you?"

"The old grey donkey, Eeyore stood by himself in a thistly corner of the Forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, "Why?" and sometimes he thought, "Wherefore?" and sometimes he thought, "Inasmuch as which?" and sometimes he didn't quite know what he was thinking about. So when Winnie-the-Pooh came stumping along, Eeyore was very glad to be able to stop thinking for a little, in order to say, "How do you do" in a gloomy manner to him.

"And how are you? said Winnie-the-Pooh.

Eeyore shook his head from side to side.

"Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."

Well, neither have I, Susan, felt very "how for a long time," but at least I've got a good friend to stick by my side.

I have to share with you a generous paraphrase of the Bible that I received this week while I was in the midst of "enema struggles."

Psalm 110:1 “The doctor said to my doctor, sit right there on the pot until I make your enemas your footstool.”

Sorry, no deeper thoughts than that today. I'm in need of another nap. "Oh, bother!"

A Message for Gray Days

One can't much complain of gray days in Costa Rica. Today could be called one, but the brilliant green surrounding me everywhere makes up for the minimal gray sky.

Yet, days can be gray. My days are not brilliant. But, I refuse to have them be gray.

For one, I've napped half the day. How much do you envy me THAT?!?

For another, I got to attend (albeit 10 minutes) the farewell for dear Tico friends leaving to join a team in Venezuela involved in training, investing in, and raising up youth leaders in that country. I have especially enjoyed a precious friendship with Adriana, so saying farewell to her was not easy, yet at the same time a joy.

Another bright spot are moments alone with my Lord. I cannot boast of praying a lot. Who can?

Here's something I read today:

The men who have most fully illustrated Christ in their character, and have most powerfully affected the world for him, have been men who spent so much time with God as to make it a notable feature of their lives. Charles Simeon devoted the hours from four till eight in the morning to God. Mr. Wesley spent two hours daily in prayer. He began at four in the morning. Of him, one who knew him well wrote: "He thought prayer to be more his business than anything else, and I have seen him come out of his closet with a serenity of face next to shining."

Luther said, "If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer."

Some sleepless nights I get close to two hours of prayer, but it's pretty "dozey prayer!"

Today I was reading another AJ Gossip sermon entitled, "A Message for Gray Days." My motto adopted from the reading:

May I infect those around me with an unconcerned and quiet faith, a faith that never dreams of doubting Him!

Glorify Him with me today if you are having a "Gray Day!"

ABC's of Recent Experiences in my Life

AJ Gossip - Oh, how much I have learned from his sermons in times of painful crisis!

Beckham Barking - Real life goes on and the neighbor's dog still awakes us at night

Chocolate Milk - It's so good in Costa Rica, isn't it Chris? Come down and try it sometime, everyone! Since I choke on water here and lately it tastes like cigarette butts thrown in a Coke can, I've been drinking a lot of chocolate milk. (I wouldn't know butts in a Coke can, but that sounds pretty awful!)

Dysfunction of all kinds

Efficiency - Woody and Kari (and others on the team) have had to gear up to create a system that allows me to be well-cared for, yet stay on top of important ministry issues

Fighting off pains I'd never dreamed of

Garage bags can find very creative uses!

Hallitosis Usually my own!

Ideas While vomiting for three solid hours in the hospital, they tried every drug they could think of plus the nurses' brought me cotton balls soaked in alcohol. I wasn't sure quite what to do with them, but I sniffed them, just in case. (They didn't work, either!)

Jonathan Bird - We have never seen this bird, but it makes a fascinating chirp in the night and early AM. We named it after our grandson, because for a while Jonathan made a sound like that bird. I really like the Jonathan bird. (I really like Jonathan Ophus, too!)

Kathryn and Tascha Kieft. Our "nieces" who have joined ITeams stayed with us several days before they began to study Spanish in prep for going to Ecuador. You know you have to love nieces. You have no choice. If I had to choose, these two would hit the top of my list!

Lindsay and Chino - I cried over missing their wedding, but I am glad Woody got to go.

Morphine anyone? I get it regularly slow-release by mouth. I does no miracles. But, IT HELPS!

Night Nurse - We were able to hire one for 5 nights a week to help me and take the weight at night off Woody and Kari, allowing them to rest. What a help that's been, and the insurance company might actually pay for her salary! ($200 for 60 hours. Hmm... isn't that a little over $3 an hour??) It's a ministry opportunity as well. (Ask me about it!)

Out of Order (Me!) I feel like I am good for almost nothing. (Feel free to argue with me!) Typing takes me hours. This update, for example! I make tons of mistakes I'm constantly correcting. Like on this entry, I accidentally wrote, "I am goof for almost nothing."

Precious, precious, presence of Christ in our lives

Quiroga family continues to mean the world to us as they minister in Cochabamba, Bolivia and as our daughter Norma and her family Howard, Natatasha (who just turned 12!!!) and Adrian just re-joined them. Quirogas sent me an Eeyore stuffed animal and Eeyore and I are almost inseperable. Our eyes droop almost identically!

Rockford Files - Our taste in evening rerun shows indicate what a low level we have dropped to in trying to distract me during painful evenings.

Sleeping in the living room. There's no shower downstairs in our house. For a while we used Gustafsons' kiddie pool on the kitchen floor for a creative shower option! I'm able now to climb upstairs to shower once a day, sitting on a yard chair in the shower. Yay!

Tapioca is a GREAT medicine chaser. This idea is worth marketing!

Undergo - Just learned I must undergo some blood tests. We were JUST at the clinic (a long, painful trek) and now we'll have to return for bloodwork! Oh, phooey!

Versatis Patch- A new, creative medical idea I'm using. I wonder if it really works! It's a Lidocaine patch that is absorbed into the root nerve area that is most affected, causing pain.

Woody - Along with Kari, are my angels. They have become A#1 nurses! They both give shots, coordinate medicines, position me in bed, and do other tasks only nurses don't give a second thought about.

X-rays - Did you ever think about how HEAVY x-ray images are? If we have to take all my films, we'll have to be careful about the weight limit on our luggage!

Yarn - If only I could get enough focus to dive back in to a crochet project I'd really begun to enjoy in June!!

Zest- O, God, give me a zest for life, even when life seems pretty wretched. "Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint,; O Lord heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayers." Psalm 6:2,9

Drab, Dull, Empty vs. Gleaming

What does it mean to be a true disciple? We talk and teach about this ALL the time. We choose to do that because JESUS did it!

Jesus seemed unable to keep out of other people's troubles. He grew tired carrying strangers' business. He was thankful to talk to people we would have thought rather impertinent.

My new favorite, AJ Gossip, wrote, "We know that that is life, real life, life as it should be lived. An yet we are not imitating it, not much, not closely, not where it would pinch. We can't be bothered; the cost is too heavy; always we keep slipping back into that old stupid fallacy that it is our life and, of course, intended primarily to be spent upon ourselves, and that those other people are a nuisance and an intrusion."

Browning would have called this life one that is drab and dull and empty business.

On the other hand, he DID say, "Only here or there will your eyes light on something that gleams out."

Oh, my! Which side of the discipleship fence do you sit on? And I? Drab, dull and empty vs. gleaming. Let's take a moment to think.

COS (Is that how you say "change of subject" nowadays?) I'm learning more about Tarlov cysts. I'll give you a fact a day.

TARLOV CYST FACT OF THE DAY: These several cysts I have in my sacrum hav probably eroded away more than ONE SQUARE INCH of my sacral report.

Against Your Puling Will

No, I did not misspell that. It is PULING. What does that mean? I had to look it up, and, I hate to say, I love what it means: whining, whimpering.

I'm good at whining and whimpering. I wish I WEREN'T, but I AM.

But, I came across yet more "bathroom gossip" that blew me away. (Excuse that phrase!) I'm reading a book of sermons by AJ Gossip. What a name! What a preacher!

What all can I tell you? There is so much to say!

First off, did you know that MichelAngelo's incredible creation painting of the two fingers touching includes a "shrinking, cowering figure, covering its head and in a passion of weeping."

WHY?!?

"For if the story of mankind has been a glorious epic, through what toil and suffering and agony it has won its slow, desperate, upward way. That is what followed the touch of God's finger. And if He touches you??..."

In other words, part of creation is man working through difficulty. That is part of glorifying God. Oh, that I may do that today!

Yes, With My God - Two Nights in a Row!

God brought me wonderfully through another night. I'm sure it's not a night you would have enjoyed. For that reason, I will spare you the details. BUT, my night nurse/friend Ara was a wonderful help to me again. One miracle - NO PAIN!! Now, that's something I can't claim at the moment. I feel like a piece of angle iron accidentally got stuck in my gluteus maximus. But, that's all part of Tarlov Cyst Disease. Not fun, but with God's grace and a bit of slow release morphine, it's do-able!

Today I heard a saying I just love! "Whatever you do today, let it be enough."

Now, that's a great saying for one who just had her toenails painted by her friend Rachel and then took a nap!

I HAVE done a few more things. But, I'll close by saying,

"Be exalted in Your own strength!

We will sing and praise Your might! Psalm 21:13

AND,

"O God, may I rejoice always,

Pray without ceasing

And give thanks in all circumstances." 1 Thes. 5:16-18

Strong and Courageous Two Nights in a Row?

Last night had to be one of THE worst! You don't want to know about it. Let me assure you. It did not involve much sleep, though God allowed precious gifts of that once in a while. The thought of “ER” occurred to me many times. But, we “gutted it out” and called the doc at the end of the miserable night. Things have calmed down, and I THANK GOD for that!!!

My verses of assurance today are,

"Hear, O Lord, and have pity on my! O Lord, be my helper!"

"Make music to praise the Lord, you faithful people who belong to Him. Remember His holiness by giving thanks."

"Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS! Don't be afraid or discouraged. For there is a power far greater on our side!" 2 Chron 32:3

Oh, for a night better than LAST night. I think God has made me strong and courageous, but not enough for two nights like that in a row!

HEY! Email me the names of some of the most influential books in your life in the past 20 years. I would love to check them out.

Blogging my Way Through the Cysts

Some of you know "Cysts Happen," which is my new phrase. If you do not know the gist of what I'm going through, please look at http://www.tarlovcystfoundation.org/TarlovCystInformation.asp

I NEVER can write long. I have pain and weakness. If I take a long nap, I can work for maybe 15 minutes.

Here's my thought for today - something I'm holding as precious day by day. It's from a sermon - an old, old one called "How to Face Life with Steady Eyes" by AJ Gossip

"I haven't much to leave you,' he said with a smile: 'but, there is one thing I can give no one else can, something that will keep you always steady, that lift you clean above anxiety and worry- better than that, that will make you a rallying-point at which others which had grown frightened and lost heart, suddenly sure of God again, and themselves bigger and better and braver because they have chanced on you will turn and face, with stout hearts, what had beaten them, and win.'

'Peace I leave with you, My peace I give onto you' The very strength of my own soul, the very calm of my own spirit, the very secret that has kept me steadfast among all my difficulties and temptations. I have done it because I have always known that I am not alone, but that the father is with me. And you too can count with confidence on this, that whatever befalls you, you will find him very near, that he will never forget and never fail but will always be there where you have need of him. And being sure of this you can go on to face valiantly.

Cysts Happen!

All roads lead to Rome. Since being diagnosed with a large Tarlov cyst in the sacrum, I've discovered that many of my longstanding health issues actually are due to this one, stinking, aggressive cyst! Funny how something within my very own body could secretly erode away bone and stretch out its tentacles to press on one key nerve after another.

This has gone on for years and years. Sometimes I've gone to doctors about symptoms, but since they couldn't really see a REASON for a problem, they've responded with suggestions on how to manage one symptom or another. I have struggled with explaining my aches and pains and woes. People who know me well have often wondered why I get battered with one health problem after another. I've sometimes wondered if I'm a "Creative Hypochondriac!

But now, after many, many years of troubles, it's as if the cyst lifted its head to wink and say, "See all the havoc I've caused and you never knew I was even here!"

Sadly, the possibilities of getting some relief are limited. And, just to get an appointment for an assessment takes two months.

Now that the cyst has "come out," I am battling with symptoms which have ganged up and formed an effective offensive line. Though my doctors are on board and working with us, I'm finding it very difficult to take medicine that will take the edge off the pain but not leave me groggy and nauseated. So far, we haven't figured that out. So, if I end this blog entry with a bunch of jibberish, you can know that the pain medicine is turning my brain into mush.

You probably wouldn't want to know if I offered to tell you, all the ways the cyst is making its presence known. jklsjc,wuoivjks. djlsj.

I think that meamans I needs a arest. Pray for me as you recall the phrase, :Cysta Happen@"

When the Wind is Blowing Hard...

"If we want to know whether a building will stand strong or not, we look at it when the wind is blowing hard." - Jonathan Edwards

Missionaries should write about good spiritual stuff... opening new ministries, sending out missionaries, investing in national leaders, caring for missionaries on the field, seeing people saved and making disciples.

But, what happens when the wind blows hard? Difficulties aren't always glamorous. Sometimes they are very personal. Sometimes they are minimal. Sometimes they are major. Sometimes they are the kind of things that words can't wrap themselves around. They don't make good "knee-mails." Then, what do we do?

Well, seriously, folks... that's the dilemma I face today. For me... for us... there are a few twists and turns in our journey that feel dramatic, and not in the fun sense of the word. As many of you know, I've wrestled with several health issues for a long time. Most recently I've had hip pain and other "system failures," which even required surgery... twice in the past six months. The surgeries were unsuccessful, and now we think we know why. When the "bursitis" in my hip didn't seem to improve and the symptoms spread to my other hip as well as my back and legs, my doctor here in Costa Rica ordered an MRI. It showed that I have a very unusual type of large cyst buried in my sacrum, possibly putting pressure on several key nerves.

We are happy that we might know the cause of many of my discomforts and dysfunctions, but it's also "unnerving" (forgive the pun!) that there are no easy answers. These have been times of prayer peppered with seasons of struggles to pray at all; sensing a closeness to God alternating with moments of crying out, "Where are You, God?" Both of us have had moments of sadness washing over us. But, we are also determined to trust God and step forward hand in hand through whatever those next steps will be.

We are so honored that many of you pray for us each day and are a vital part of all that God has been doing in us and through this ministry. We are still very involved in ministry, but at the same time going through a number of tests and seeing specialists while fighting pain and other very real health struggles. Now, we ask you to keep walking beside us during this difficult phase.

Pray for wisdom for the doctors and for us as we continue to learn and investigate in order to find the best help available. Pray for me as I get tired of pain, sleeping poorly, and experiencing other difficulties. Pray for the two of us as we walk through new territory together and as we lean harder than ever on HIM.

I'll close with a quote from a sermon that has recently impacted both of us, preached by AJ Gossip about 80 years ago.* In the sermon he makes reference to the character "Hopeful" from Pilgrim's Progress and also to Paul's penned words, "What can separate us from His love?" Not death, he says right away, pushing aside the most obvious of all impossibilities.

"For, standing in the roaring of the Jordan, cold to the heart with its dreadful chill, and very conscious of the terror of its rushing, I too, like Hopeful, can call back to you who one day in your turn will have to cross it, 'Be of good cheer, my brother, for I feel the bottom, and it is sound.'"

Don't worry... this new diagnosis is not life-threatening. But, it does feel a bit like we are standing in the cold rushing water, our toes scrabbling for the bottom, trusting it is sound.

*This is the sermon Gossip preached the week his wife died unexpectedly.